Ohio – J&J Vaccine’s “Growing” Side Effect

This is, of course, satire.

Seaman, OH – (Satire)

While most of the news regarding the Johnson & Johnson vaccine has centered around the national “pause” in it’s use, a small sub-set of recipients have seen a “growing” side effect.

“I thought that I was seeing things, maybe a week after I got the shot?” reported a Mr. Smith who chose not provide his first name. “But my wife, God bless her heart, has barely been able to keep up. Not only have things gotten bigger, but it’s like I’m eighteen again!”

Others from around the Midwest have experienced the same, roughly a week after getting the Johnson & Johnson vaccine. “I’ve never been what one would call an ‘impressive’ man,” a local mechanic posted on Facebook, “but, it’s crazy, I’m much more impressive now! Thanks J&J!”

The conversation at Cruisers Diner was buzzing as a few of the patrons had missed out and gotten the Pfizer or Moderna vaccine instead of J&J. “I’m happy to have COVID behind me and all that,” said one gentleman who chose not to give his name, “but who wouldn’t want a little bit more confidence and vigor? Think they’ll let me get the J&J one too?”